When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lion-tamer.

01.
Although the earliest childhood ambition I could remember was to be an architect, even though I couldn't spell it at the time. Somewhat surprisingly (if you knew me as a kid and thought about it), I never did want to be a doctor or an engineer. I didn't want to be a lawyer, either. I think even at a young age, I already had an idea how icky a lawyer's job could be. (No offense to lawyers, or people who will be lawyers. We all will be needing your services at one point or another.)


02.
I was at the dentist's chair when I got into thinking: If one was trapped in a deserted island, would there be any use for skills in dentistry? I mean, would manual dexterity and an expert knowledge in oral hygiene (as well as very scary looking aparatus that dentists routinely use) help one when hunting for food? How would a dentist fare against, say, a journalist? Or a lawyer?

Specialization has been an important foundation of civilization, but what if civilization was taken away from us -- would our specialized skills help us in any way to survive?

Odd thing to think about in the middle of an oral surgery, but what else could I do? Having my mouth open for more than an hour meant I needed something to distract myself from imagining how much drool must have been produced by my salivary glands (I wouldn't be surprised if it reached a liter). You have to understand: the dentist was a high school classmate and she's very competent with what she does. And she did engage me in conversation during the surgery. But I couldn't exactly voice out my opinion on the relative benefits of an obsessive-compulsive dentist over a manic-depressive one; I simply am not telepathic.

And I should've pointed out that talking about manic-depressive dentists while a real one is actually sticking a lethal-looking dental file/drill/whatnot inside the helpless patient's mouth is not a great way to reassure a nervous patient.


03.
The Mercury Drug calendar is out with my photo included and my dog the calendar looks so tacky!

My sister was able to get a copy from a nearby drugstore and showed me the calendar. I wonder if some people would realize that the photo was not taken in Naga? (It was actually from a Marian exhibit in Shangri-la.) The photo credits included my name but stated that the image was from the Department of Tourism website. I had to laugh at that.

Still, I am happy that they considered my photo to be worthy of publication.


04.
Given the chance (and if I could grab the right equiptments), I think I would really enjoy making a career out of photography. Even if I was just someone who'd cover someone's wedding. Okay, I'll take away the word "just"; wedding photographers probably earn a lot per event. Plus they're sure that there will be people who would appreciate and even cherish the photos years after the wedding. They might not remember who the photographers were on their wedding day, but they will remember the event whenever they see the photos. But sentimentality only goes too far, wedding photography earns well.

I could try food photography and fashion/glamor photography, but sometimes I think I'd be more effective as a stylist. Those times I tried food and glamour photography, I was busier setting the background, composing the subject, moving around lights and generally directing my groupmates to a particular angle or composition idea that I often have little time to actually shoot photos. No false modesty here: I think I'm still mediocre when doing studio photography.

Gig photography. Now that's another thing altogether. Photographing musicians during concerns is very exciting and is something I often look forward to.

And then there's writing. It's an on-and-off thing for me, writing. The editor who facilitated a writing workshop I attended mentioned that they will be publishing an essay I wrote about lugaw (rice congee) in a local food magazine. It was a short nostalgia piece -- as plain and warming and, ultimately, comfortably unremarkable as lugaw itself. Not something I'd actively promote ("Hey, look! I wrote this!"), but then it was published. I'm happy enough for that.

I guess what I'm slowly circling about is that I am at that point when I'm trying to figure out what I wanted to do in the next few years. I'm again like that kid who saw a circus performance on TV and thought that lion tamers are so cool. And I can't say I'm frustrated with this and that anymore. I've had an essay, a poem, a photo and couple of dozen illustrations published already. I could say I've at least accomplished something.

I want to make a website, like a project to create a comprehensive database of Philippine movies (including critical reviews). I want to make a magazine, like that one I proposed for a workshop which was about street lifestyle and culture minus the preachy social-realist politicking. I think a clothing line similar to j!nx would be amazing; I was at a time thinking on reviving my friend's project called Queer Army. I've thought up an idea for a bar that's a also a reading room where bands that do jazz and blues could play.

I will permit myself to ambitions. But realistically speaking, I'll probably end up working for the BPO industry for a few more years. I want to be excited by the fact that there are so many things that I could try to do and I could have a wide range of occupations to choose from. Seen that way, the future isn't too bad, I could even say I look forward to it.

I still wish I pursued lion-taming, though.