Say what you want.

There was a time when I had this huge crush on Sharleen Spiteri.

I'm not that old yet to know of Texas' earlier songs, although I've seen the video for I Don't Want a Lover a few years back. She looked like a teenage boy with the oversized denim jacket and the short boy's cut. Pretty in a strangely androgynous way.

Even with their comeback / international breakthrough hit, Say What You Want, she still looked like a tomboy. The American video showed Sharleen clones in blue shirts and blue denim and trainers against as rather tacky sci-fi space station background that looked like a cheaper version of the "set" for Scream. At the time I fell in love with the song, and then the video. I guess I feel in love with this girl with a whispery voice that strangely looked like a boy.

I didn't know I'll turn out gay at that time. I guess I should've realized it sooner.

Remember the MCM music channel? Sky Cable had that among their line up until around four years ago. I always thought most European-version music videos are superior to the made-for-American versions (an example: Coldplay's videos for Trouble). MCM showed me the European video for Say What You Want and man, that was close to visual orgasm.

The world had been given previews of the beautiful wide-eyed girl who was singing along herself in a song that started with a strangely seductive series of pants (uh-huh-huh). It was followed by a few singles that further teased me with the singer's pretty face (Put Your Arms Around Me, Black Eyed Boy). Then came The Hush and by that time, Sharleen has become a sex symbol (I still get some excitement watching the Summer Son video).

When the Greatest Hits album came, Sharleen grew her hair, gain some flaterring curves and danced with Alan Rickman. She went back to a gender-bending role playing Elvis. And my dog, she's sexy as Elvis.

And then my interest in Texas stopped. But that was the time my interest in music generally dropped; I only listened to a few bands every now and then. I often say that my taste in music mostly ended in early 2000s.

The other day, I played an mp3 collection from college that had Say What You Want. And again I got to thinking I should have realized sooner that I'm gay. High school and college probably would have been more memorable if I did.