One problem with getting too fond of someone is when I start building associations between the person and objects that were otherwise plain and ordinary, but made a little more special because of attached memories of him, the object of affection. Like the smell of the place where we first met, or a storefront where we both sat on, or a drink we shared while laughing over a joke.
Coffee used to be just coffee, some drink that I have no particular care for. And cigarette smoke was something I mildly disapproved of, the way it stuck to my clothes and hair. The flavor of a fruit, a particular scent, the melody of a song -- all of those things are now marked and owned by someone.
And attached memories could linger for a long time. They could stay awfully quiet -- dormant until that unexpected moment when one springs up, triggering an avalanche of recollections. By then, 'crushed' will be a very apt adjective: when the heart implodes from the weight of nostalgia.
Unfortunately, I am a pack-rat for memories. It hurts a bit who made those little things memorable is no longer there.
I wish he'd tell me he was dumping me so we could have this affair done and over with. Even then, his shadow will still be in my mind, casting its gloom over my senses.
So maybe this is the end of it. I wish it will also stop here and now.
5 comments:
Litsiyas. How very Ploning of you, JD.
(Bakit lagi nalang ending ang naabutan ko? *sadface*)
I never liked lychee or lychee flavored juice drinks but somehow I loved that flavored vodka, the first one I had. anyways, is this about... omg?!
hahahaha. alam na.
kasi i never make kwento of the beginnings? :-)
hmm... i just hope you're coping well.
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