my boyfriend is sleeping in my room right now.

it gives me a warm feeling, watching him sleep. i was looking at his face, and it seemed so peaceful. i was listening to him breathe. it's mundane - a person sleeping - and yet i find it's so fascinating.

we saw each other yesterday while i was in the hospital. he came with me home and spent the afternoon in my house. he hadn't had any decent sleep the night before, so i asked him to stay for the night and sleep on the bunk at the rooftop.

before he slept, he told me how he felt dizzy looking up at the sky. he has this fear of dying by falling from a great height, and he imagined himself falling to the earth from the moon, space vacuum and gravity notwithstanding. when i climbed back to roof by morning, he told me he kept waking up during the night because of dreams of dreaming. he'd wake up from a dream into another dream until he'd force himself to properly wake up, and that tires him.

now he's sleeping again in my room and i was with him, watching him a few minutes ago. i could see the little boy that he was in his childhood photos. i get a guilty thrill out of this, too: i have not admitted to the 'rents that he is my boyfriend. i have not admitted to the 'rents that i am into boyfriends. i'll miss this thrill once we have our place and our sleeping together has become more or less legit.

but right now he's in my room. and in a few minutes i'll go back and watch him sleep again.