Roll over, say goodnight.

01.
Weekend nights shouldn't be spent alone in an empty apartment, rereading the same graphic novels for the nth time. Not when one is feeling restless.

I'm not alone, not really. My roommate is sleeping in our bedroom. He rarely gets enough sleep and he still has work tonight, I think it's best to let him sleep. That doesn't solve my problem though.

I've been sending text messages all afternoon to some friends asking them out but it seems everybody else got other plans. Not that I take that against them; I just feel lonely.

02.
My roomate said he missed the days when it was him, me and the previous boyfriend sharing the apartment (not that he doesn't like new flatmate's company, he clarified). This was a few hours ago, while I was preparing pasta for supper. I told him I don't think I'd like to see the previous boyfriend anytime soon.

I doubt I could hold on to that statement, what with one thing or another. I will have to see the previous boyfriend again, but I'm not looking forward to that day. The last time I saw him left me depressed and angry for days.

It's not even the previous boyfriend that brought all that. When I saw him, I didn't see the previous boyfriend as his own person anymore, but as an extension of someone whom I'd gladly stab in the chest if I could get away with it. That's nothing compared to being repeatedly stabbed in the back and being left to take care of a sizeable financial and domestic mess all on my own. At least stabbing said person in the chest will be honest (in a way) and straightforward.

Seeing a photo of the previous boyfriend still gives me a jolt of heartache which leaves a bitter feeling afterwards when I remember how he left me for a particular someone. And to think I forgave him the first time I found out about him and the previous boyfriend, when the previous boyfriend assured me he's cutting ties with said person. Trusting people too easily has always been one of my biggest faults.

If it's true that a person, in his lifetime, will love someone in a way that will define love for that person, in a way in which every other love affair will be compared to; I think I may have met the person already. I just wish the good memories I've had with the previous boyfriend weren't tainted by that other guy. But then the previous boyfriend and I knew early on that the gods were against us.

And the gods have a cruel sense of humor.